Bald Truth requires incisiveness not only of perception but also of expression. The two are closer than mango and peel. As J. Krushnamurti no doubt declared, “Thing becomes ink.” To reveal the shiny pate of veracity, the author will eschew all wigs, toupees, extensions, bonnets, chapeaux, snoods, and head-dresses beaded or feathered.
Nor will Floydiana countenance any of the following nouns, verbs, and phrases:
Disconnect, a (noun). Although possibly disjointed here and there, the book yanks no word out of its suffix.
Outside the Box. A phrase now trite enough to be Inside it.
Plate. Neither (1) stepped up to nor (2) with a lot on it.
Envelope. Not one of them has been pushed during the creation of this book. No paradigm has been shifted, walk walked, talk talked, or game changed.
Head. Never wrapped around anything à la Plastic Man.
Window. The house of Floydiana has no window of opportunity, just opportunities.
Bottom line. As soon as the book becomes a business newsletter.
Emergency situation. An emergency or crisis.
Point in time, moment in time. A point or moment.
Issue. Refers only to a conflict that is interpersonal or somehow public. Never used to mean psychological distress. Instead: “conflict,” “problem,” “challenge,” “concern,” and even “subject.”
Faith. Goodbye to this word when it euphemistically means a religion, denomination, sect, or religious belief–as in “faith-based.” OK to mean faith in something, even a theological system.
Cut to the chase. Whazzat? Why not “chase to the cut”?
Beg the question. Never used to mean “provokes a follow-up question.” Instead, used in the time-honored rhetorical tradition to mean an informal logical fallacy. A speaker or writer (the beggar) asserts a claim (the question) and hopes for acceptance without offering evidence and logic.
Pass on. In Floydiana, uncompromising as life, people die.
Grow. Never used to mean “augment” or “increase.” Floydiana will grow vegetables or a beard, not a business or congregation.
Farewell the multisyllabic-millipede! Farewell the low-pants pun! Farewell the prose that lounges on the couch to the TV laugh-track! Good-bye to the euphemistic, the voguish, the otherwise trite, the prolix word-weeds, the esoteric, the barely-Anglicized passage of Latin, the stamen-and-pistil-raining flowery, the over-liberally alliterative, and the faux-technical with its parameter. So without further adieux…..The Stoplight is actually a composite of eight lanterns and twenty-four lenses plus No Turn on Red signs held by a physics-flouting armature that extends diagonally across the intersection. As the metaphorical center of the County, it oversees a degree of energy and variety that would be forfeited by a Floyd Bypass.
As already suggested in Floydiana, it regulates an intermittent parade of trucks. These vehicles make an ever-futile attempt—because never complete–to define truckitude. As many kinds as there are fiddle tunes, or types of window on this earth–the latter catalogued by Angel in Goggles: Earthly Scriptures. Delivery trucks. Garbage trucks. Tankers, maybe with their own smokestacks. Vans. Fire engines with or without siren and lights. Ambulances ditto. Anyone who spots a rare intermodal container–a roller-floater–gets bonus points. Same with any driver on West Main who, tilted uphill at the red light, looks up at the driver of a tractor-trailer who in turn studies the side-view mirror as the long shoebox curves around from S. Locust.
Pickups trucks? Sometimes “lifted,” two- or four-door, they range in size from Titan to tiny. Some pull trailers. One pulled a ziggurat of hay bales. The bed of one was doubly wooden: a homemade box that impounded firewood. One long flatbed carried it duplicate. As for other loads–let’s start with one hauling two barrels full of tangled, plastic-coated wire and turning off at a well-digging business. Keep an eye out for the old Jeep J-10, with a body that preserves rusty scratches as if used to crash through barbed wire, and a tag that reads “Farm Use.” In the space of ten minutes these exemplars passed: a bright blue dump truck which pulled—what was it, a front-and-back-hoe? A flatbed that supported two electrical units, one of them a fearsome cubic gizmo made of tubes. Another flatbed carried enough building material for a Habitat house. There goes a tree-grinder. At night the pageantry abates–motion, sounds, sizes, shapes, and colors.
Once a many-wheeler supported a Prentice 120 boom and somehow bent itself into a C-shape as its towered above drivers who may have been crossing their fingers. Another tractor hauled a two-story double-trailer loaded with hardwood trunks that might not roll onto anyone. One truck arriving from the Christiansburg direction was so long that it couldn’t make the left turn onto North Main St.; it had to stop and wait for another truck to retreat from the far-back line. When the turning vehicle happened to pull to the roadside, we surveyed the wheeled tableau: the tractor, identified as “Schoen,” pulled a ‘dozer with long boom like a battering ram and encircled with hoops of wire and science-fiction. At times an empty a tractor pulled a long flatbed with four pair of vertical metal pipes that bent inward at the tops to hold back–air. Another flatbed hauled what else but the cab of a truck. Not to forget the two-story tractor devoid of trailer, looking free but useless.
One Friday evening the red light stopped a vehicle in front of Randall and Marjory’s car, so we were able to study the motor home in front of us. Its license plate read “California” and its rear “Chinook.” So we were amazed to see an early, primitive version of our own RV, made in Yakima, Washington. Once as a car proceeded through the intersection, four hands shot up and waved as frantic hands responded in the opposite lane. Another time I slapped my own palms on the steering wheel as I waited for green–not impatiently because I was needed to help Beethoven end his Eighth Symphony with a chord repeated two dozen times.
Another day, an invisible jet growl-purred toward the southeast into gray clouds that rushed against it. One evening brought a convergence of contrails in that direction as if airplanes were chasing the sun toward Atlanta. Such chalky lines disappear for long periods and then reappear—once making a tic-tac-toe diagram over town (photo opposite). Once I heard a roar and bolted to the valley window just in time to see a fighter jet zoom from the northwest and wheel toward over the village–its left wing pointing straight down as if to nick a silo—as it swooped toward another jet that had come from somewhere, both in chase. A strange incongruity of Floyd Time and barely subsonic, of hamlet and battle. With such aeronautic traffic, I occasionally remembered back more than fifty years when my friend and I took a wild-hair job as volunteers with the Civil Air Patrol. Every Wednesday afternoon we sat up in a cold, windowless hut, searched for planes, spotted them, and dialed WHeaton 8-1994 to report their location and direction. Not every such afternoon, actually: once we walked across the highway and went bowling.
Why is a helicopter circling over the town? It made a spectacle that was equally noisy, surprising, and distressing. Army green, or at least dark, it went around and around, its whap-whap-whap unchecked over roofs, yards and gardens. From the deck, I saw a defenseless Vietnamese village and half expected red-tailed missiles to hurtle into it.
The sky held six jets, one blimp, and a light airplane that pulled an American flag. In the foreground a man carried a boy on his shoulders and wore a jacket reading “Dale, Jr. 88.” Cars pulled toward them from ‘way around the track and made such a roar that spectators wore earphones. This framed scene celebrated the Fiftieth Anniversary of the Daytona Beach Speedway and hung at the office of Autoville on North Main.
As the Wellses began to drive across from Slaughters’ to Slaughters’—nursery to grocery—a black car sped around the corner from Dodd Creek bridge on Rt. 221 and showed little inclination to slow down. Shaken, we let him zip past us and up Laurel Branch Rd. Pigs don’t fly but they drive. Some of the weekly wrecks, however, seem not to involve speediots. Heading down Rt. 221 from Annie Lane, we noticed two disabled cars on the left. One was being hauled away and the other, much dented, was propped on the bed of a tow truck stationed in Margie Keith’s driveway. Against the truck leaned a woman. On the right side of the pavement, streaks of rubber became slices in the grass and then indentations down near the stream that fed Dodd Creek. One day four or five small cars–I think they were four-cylinder stock cars for racing–played hopscotch on Rt. 8 toward Christiansburg, a hill-curve providing a signal to pass against the double-yellow lines. On that same highway, the other direction, a blue pickup shot across the double lines and up the hill like a VFX rocket (the letters of its license plate).Across Dodd Creek up the long curve of Rt. 221 toward town, a night driver from either direction can infer an oncoming vehicle from the reflection of headlights in the windows of a half-dozen house-trailers. In the daytime a driver might notice an unofficial communal endeavor, thrown or blown. Randall made this collection along Rt. 221 near Annie Lane:
- a big, rumpled sheet of plastic.
- a 3-qt plastic bleach-bottle
- a greasy rag of a shirt
- a cappuccino can
- 2 plastic water-bottles, one partly shredded at both ends
- a can of Diet Dr. Pepper (not a prize-winner compared to the one-liter, half-full bottle of Mr. Perky he scored next to the Blue Ridge Restaurant)
- a can of Red Bull
- a blue-paper towel twisted at one end for a purpose that was surely not personal.
Once along Canning Factory Rd., Randall saw a colorful shape that resolved into a human, specifically a female with a stuck-out thumb. He pulled to the side, invited her on board, and offered to turn off station WVTF–classical music not being everyone’s cup of Do Re Mi. “Oh, no,” she replied, “I think music is the international language.” A little confused about the whole situation, he drove her to Midway, a market on Rt. 221.
One morning after Randall turned off Rt. 221 onto Rt. 615 (just beyond the Post Office), his car rolled right over the shadow of a fence whose wooden lattice of compressed X’s became diamonds on the pavement. On the way back, just past Moore Rd., the highway again veered just in time to keep the vehicle from driving right through the covered-bridge-of-a-small barn. Once he drove a carload down Rt. 221 and hung a left onto Bethlehem Church Rd. (across from the old roller rink). A vast field appeared that held about two hundred sheep. “How would you learn all their names,” wondered Ralph impishly.” “Well,” explained Randall, “you could call them all ‘Bob’ and just add numbers—‘Bob 1,’ ‘Bob 2’….”In late October, I watched from the balcony of Black Water Loft as several people seemed to foreshadow Halloween. One man stood by motorcycle and pulled a rubber costume-like outfit over his head. The apparent counterfeit of an elderly woman poked her cane past a woman in her forties and in black tight pants and high-heeled boots. Anyone driving along North Main St. could note a figure sitting near the corner with Mullins Alley, its pants tucked into boots. Its missing head surveyed traffic, and the next day it lay on the porch motionless, crumpled, the victim of a high wind. Somewhere in the annual Halloween maze at Slaughters’ Nursery sat a scarecrow corpse. Its chest rose up and down realistically as it stared aghast at nothing. As I continued to walk by, it lunged as if to grab me. Startled, I reached down and put my hand on its forearm and felt warmth.
One election day, 2013, Floyd County voted 2019 to 1129 for the Republican gubernatorial candidate. On the state level, however, the Democrat won by the length of a vaginal probe.
Before hunting season opened, three deer enjoyed safety in a yard: the two fawns studied us as we hiked past and a larger, fake one, ignored us. In late November, one of the final bags of the season came from Seven Springs Farm via the headquarters of Plenty! Our one-quarter share from the CSA was heavy on roots:
- 2 small sweet potatoes
- 7 small carrots, tastiness inverse to size
- 4 beets, invitingly dirty, their long roots sticking from end like crawfish feelers
- 1 butternut squash
- 1 head cabbage
- spinach leaves.
As the weather cooled, I was strangely pleased that the courthouse sentry was able to face the lowered arc of the sun. With the initial frost, our little gingko tree somehow kept its leaves; after the second, they lay scattered flat around its base like undie-scraps. Across Rt. 221 from Annie Lane, the tangle of kudzu on the high bank looked like a massive green wave held back by Moses; next day it looked dark-dry green; soon, brown, shrunken, and last year’s at last. One mild day—can those be bluebirds?! No, they were supposed to migrate to Florida like our Floyd pals who spend half the year in Sarasota. Had they returned north early, deceived by the warming of the earth? Worried, I phoned Woolwine House Bluebird Trail and learned that this species lives in Virginia during the whole winter. And as for birds, where did this great, solitary crow come from? Perched atop a tall Virginia pine—roughly even with the gaze of anyone standing on our deck—it bared its shiny black front to the southeast. “Probably a raven,” said Jane Cundiff, when I reported this glimpse; “they’re here now.”
Randall won’t report about working on a farm because he already put in his four hours. The Wellses’ membership in a Community Supported Agriculture (Seven Springs Farm) required them do tasks like checking the fence to discover where the deer got in, cutting lettuce-leaves off at the ground, swishing lettuce heads in a tank to get the sand off, and cutting weeds from rows so long that they followed the curvature of the earth. He little resembles one native who wakes up at 5:30, feeds sixty-five cows on his parents’ farm, lays bricks in another county, and returns to feed the cows.
He regards the soldier-statue with uneasy respect but without the veneration felt by some others. Dedicated by the Daughters of the Confederacy in 1904, fifty years after the Civil War’s end, capped and canteened, he rested a rifle-butt against the ground with its barrel pointing to the sky. The man himself faced south in an example of body rhetoric. Your author’s perspective depends on his background as a beneficiary of the war. Yet even descending from a long line of Northerners, he calls himself a “Nothiner.” He realizes that fifteen decades ago he and Fred First might have met somewhere between Chicago and Birmingham to trade bullets rather than alphabets.During WinterFest at the JAX, dozens of people looked at handmade artifacts—knitted, kilned, soldered, canned, brushed, felted, recyled, upcycled, carved, or tie-dyed. Upstairs in the old barn,Upstairs, no surprise that a singer graced the large upstairs room while a pair of musicians strummed. The eight gorgeous quilts hung from the ceiling, four on each inward-inclining side, several of them billowing from their wooden frames like sails on the Fleet of Art. Your author found it imperative to laugh with Pat Sharkey, Director of Tourism for the county. She dreamed of making something of the water tower with its rust-blotched central pipe and surrounding legs. Why not a hot tub at the top? Inspired by her vision, I dared to imagine a glass elevator that would carry naked people to the summit, but I acknowledged the drawbacks in winter. Or why not hang swings from the tank and then rotate it fast enough to make the seats rise by centrifugal force while people hold on screaming? Hey, maybe a rocket to blast into space, or at least into the air above the county: “Down there,” intones the guide, “is Harman’s gas station with its old-time ‘ding-ding’ cable running to the Marathon pumps.”
Sadly, however, this year the Humane Society table was not attended by Ms. Betty “Sunny” Bernardine (see Appendix 2). She left many two-legged pals in the Society, many of them also Came Heres: from New York, California, Ohio, Vermont, North Carolina, and Germany (information courtesy of Lynn Chipkin).
Marge and I adjourned to Dogtown Pizza/Sun Music Hall. There, a band of five high-spirited guys played as many stringed instruments: guitar, bass fiddle, banjo, mandolin, and violin (wielded by Mike Mitchell). I helped extend the age disparity among dancers to seventy years. People admired the flapper-style hat that Marge had just bought at WinterFest. And her fellow exercise-class member demonstrated a few wine-powered squats, which were requited by your up-&-down author, all to bluegrass music.
As the seasons changed with the countless traffic-turnings from green to yellow to red, the roof of one car bore a netted Christmas tree through the intersection toward the Parkway, while another arbormobile turned left and carried on toward the Post Office. In front of that building, Wanda found Randall’s Christmas present stuck in the grass: a flamingo of modest size but outrageous color. At Black Water Loft, at eye-level from the balcony shone the double red-lights at the corner, Christmas-y against the gray clouds. One woman crossed South Locust toward Farmers’ Supply against a biting wind (and perhaps against the light); wrapping her coat around a baby, she raised her right arm to thank a driver waiting behind the line. (Raised in Tibet, she had met her American husband in an Italian restaurant in New Delhi.) Farmers’ Supply had the chill taken off about one millions items by the old cast-iron Warm Morning Model 524 coal stove, fed by wood during the day.
At Slaughters’ Nursery, Randall broke an agreement with my spouse by having another re-plantable Christmas tree loaded into the car. Later, with its rootball swaddled in burlap, five of us (including Dolly of the two wheels) strained to pull it backwards up the front stairs. Marge backed into the corner of the rail, causing a painful outburst and a bruised marriage. Once again I tried to defend my purchase: since the forester had urged us to plant white pines on one side of the pole barn, why not vary the group with a Fraser fir? Besides, dear, its origin is Southern Appalachian.Once again our grandchildren visited their second home in the country. To someone from Charlotte, Floyd County is an exciting place, cooler in both summer and winter, favored by occasional snow (with cardboard furnished for sliding). It has a path cut through the woods where a child can walk beneath the trunk of one bowed-over tree and along the horizontal trunk of another. It boasts real horses and cows, not just those in children’s books, that dot the hillside across Floyd Highway in ever-varying compositions. And Sid’s first play, Wind in the Willows, was performed by the Young Actors Co-op in the Sun Music Hall; “That was good,” he declared as he mistakenly began to leave at intermission.
On a cold afternoon I lifted the three-and-a-half-year weight of Julien so he could spot the little nest in a bushy evergreen. “Are there eggs?” No, snow. Then we unlatched the door to the bluebird house and saw the nest that still remained (eggless again, sorry). Then further down the lane we came to another nest I had promised. Woven with a sort of papyrus around the twigs of a branch, it bore only a lacuna. Again I lifted him so he could peer in and see the glistening yellow-and-black insect that had given its final service to the wasp colony by unintentionally patching the hole. (“Poor verdant fool,” wrote the poet Richard Lovelace about the improvident grasshopper, “and now green ice.”) Grandson expressed a need to take his cold hands back to the cabin, so “Pampa” held one and then the other as they climbed the hill, stopping only to admire a set of contrails. Later, when Mommy asked Julien what he liked most about his visit to the cabin, he named the hike to see the “nestis.”
One day when the sun had climbed high enough to defrost the outdoors, I enlisted the boys (partly drafted them) to go on an expedition to photograph a couple of “rustiques”–i.e., vehicles deteriorating picturesquely in fields. Afterward we parked in town, where they they raced up the inside spiral-stairway of Black Water Loft while I took the outside one with its three gyres. The lads seemed to charm the barista enough that she piled whipped cream on their hot chocolate despite my repeated assurance that they didn’t want any.
Next day the lucky children were invited to explore part of the Firsts’ eighty acres. Members of several families and generations crossed Goose Creek over an icy plank that led from the mainland to an enclave of pasture and woods. As we hiked across the clod-grass, I called far ahead to the Firsts’ grandchildren and proposed a race. My challenge was accepted by Taryn, six years old, who yelled something about “the tree.” Suddenly aged and deaf, I limped toward her, asking that she turn back and clarify the plan. When she did, a miracle! I sprinted past her! But as I approached the tree, there was a pair of them! I stopped in my tracks, looked back, and asked her to point out the one she meant, whereupon she ran up and touched it to win the game and leave me disconsolate.
Nameless Creek ran near a line of rocks, snowy and most of them carry-one-at-a-time. What was their purpose? To form a dike? Maybe to clear a field for agriculture (a job I was relieved to miss). This project would have taken place before the too-closely-planted and scrubby pine woods grew up that the Firsts cut down. Reaching the unofficial picnic grounds, we found snow lying around the dark rocks that once bordered the summer-solstice fire (photo below). The only flame was on Sid’s hat.
I told an attentive Sid that this very creek had created the valley we stood in. As Fred once explained in his blog, Fragments of Floyd:
The “pasture” soil is shallow, overtop of eons of eroded mountain–the ancient Appalachians, purported to be higher than today’s Rockies. So we were in the rubble field of those ancient mountains, and the steep rushing water off that wall of crumbling stone has carved our notch between more resistant ridges. They too were once many times higher than they are today. And the sand–the finest dust of mountains–that makes up our soil will someday find its way to Atlantic beaches.
I also reported that humans had carved out an abandoned, path-like road that clung to the opposite mountainside, where a segment of rock-buttress was dry-stacked rather than piled. With this ambience geological and historical, I felt like Dorothy in the Land of Was. I imagined a camp of deserters from the Civil War, either or both sides, after hearing that this area made a congenially hostile hideout.
Both lads poked the ice of Nameless Creek with sticks while being supervised by Dad. Then Sidney carried thin, free-form handfuls of ice back over the plank. Then he stomped the ice at the edge of that very stream, stomp, stomp, stomp! “Be careful,” warned Fred, “or you’ll fall in.” Suddenly water came up over boot and caused the poor boy to—keep stomping. Ann’s emailed report:
Have to say we will never forget hearing Mike’s deep bass voice calling “Sidney” several times to come out of the creek when was time to go. We looked out the window to see their van driving away, and we assumed the child was in the van with them. Then, all of a sudden we saw him with his little legs churning as he ran up out of the creek and began to chase the van. Then, as Mike just kept driving away slowly and Sidney chasing the van for awhile before they stopped to let him in—it was soooo funny (& I bet he will remember that Papa can mean business).